I had the best time at the lake.... i want to go back... it was so relaxing and everything.... i get back and i have 99 million things to do nothing was taken care of while i was gone idk why it is so hard for them to do a few things. owell... i miss my adopted family already

I finally get to get out of here for a weekend.... i get to spend time with the adoptive family... and who ever they invited..... it is going to be so much fun.... ashes is has already started planing 99 million things... its is going to a ton of fun i am so excited...

it seems like the more i do the less people care and the more that i get yelled at for not doing enough.... its like nothing i do is ever good enough for anyone... the girl that i love i cant have... i cant have anything i want... i almost died ah my dad cared while i was in the hospital now its back to the same old same old.. i wish i wouldnt have told my grandmal what was going on so that all the shit that was going wrong in side my body would have killed me then nobody would have to worry about me anymoer and alot of people would be a hell of alot happier. im not happy... not truely... idk if i ever will be.. i use to be when i was with her and it was just me... it didnt matter what was going on it was like i was in a diffrent world or i was a diffrent person. it was the best now it doesnt matter.  I hate teh way i feel about myself... i hate this feeling i have about myself... i dont want to live but the person that means the most to me keeps telling me that i make her life better so i should stick around... i guess ill be around for others to kick around and walk all over

Well im ungrounded for a while... no loner on deverson... still going nutts though.. cant really get out of here.... i really really care about someone but idk where we stand and i dont want to ask becasue i dont want to upset her again. i really do love her, i would do anything for her... but idk things are so confusing right now... idk what to do... i just want to be with her because of the way i feel right now. i finally got to talk to her after like a week of having no clue as to what the hell is going on... that makes things alittle better.  I couldnt get her off my mind.. apparently even while i was sleeping from what i was told.

Well 2 things are over: me being grounded and school. with any luck i can stay ungrounded. i am very excited that both are over... yet this means i will be stuck in this damned house even more than before o joy.... but whatever... feel free to rescue me from this shit.... life still suck... i dont know what i want anymore... for that matter.... life or death.... love and pain or pain and more pain.... chasing after something i cant have owell such is my life... few of u or no only one of u know about the other huge thing going on and my life... i am going to leave it to just taht person sry not planing on sharing... that person worrying is to much as is

i cant wait to get school over with people at school are really gettin on my nerves. I cant take it anymore. i only want to be around and with that i cant really have. well she said i can have her as in the sexual way but i cant have her as in be with her all the time and us be goin out. so i am so confused as to what she wants. owell thats life. once i get ungrounded i can have a life some what again and will maybe be able to move on because she obviously has. although i wounder if her parentals told her she isnt allowed to go out with me. she told me she cant go out with me so idk.

I hate school. I am not in the mood to be here. As a matter of fact i am tired of people telling me what i should and shouldnt do. What i do is my business. They want to be my friend when it is conventit for them.  I said one thing and now i have alot of people on my case. I dont want to be here. We are sitting in creative writing fighting about who is religious and who isnt. I AM GOING TO GO NUTTS IN THIS CLASS. Im suppose to be doing this journals about superhero ablites. GOD DAMN IT i hate stupid people.

Today was another one of those lovely days. Not to much went right. One good part was i got sleep on the bus then in English. 

Well i finally have come to my breaking point. I am onl holding on for one reason. Unfourtantly i want more than i can have with this reason. Yes it is a person. As a matter fact i told this person that i was only stickin around because i felt that it would hurt her at least a little.

So life pretty much sucks at this point in my life. Hopefully this will change but i dont think so. The one thing i want in life i cant have

Why is it that when you want to be left alone nobody will leave u alone. But when u want someone to be there they arent. They dont call you back.  Or when u are trying to just end all this misery you have u have people stoping you.  They say they care yet when u say u need them they are no where to be found. Friends just suck.  Forexample today i was told how much of an idiot i was for making myself happy momentarly.  But if i stay fucked up then ill never have to worry about remembering anything that is fucked up in my life so just about everything.