it seems like the more i do the less people care and the more that i get yelled at for not doing enough.... its like nothing i do is ever good enough for anyone... the girl that i love i cant have... i cant have anything i want... i almost died ah my dad cared while i was in the hospital now its back to the same old same old.. i wish i wouldnt have told my grandmal what was going on so that all the shit that was going wrong in side my body would have killed me then nobody would have to worry about me anymoer and alot of people would be a hell of alot happier. im not happy... not truely... idk if i ever will be.. i use to be when i was with her and it was just me... it didnt matter what was going on it was like i was in a diffrent world or i was a diffrent person. it was the best now it doesnt matter.  I hate teh way i feel about myself... i hate this feeling i have about myself... i dont want to live but the person that means the most to me keeps telling me that i make her life better so i should stick around... i guess ill be around for others to kick around and walk all over

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